Carnegie closes out the book with the following list of ways to make it easy for the other person to change their behavior.  #2 – “Knowing exactly what it is wanted” is a common sticking points in relationships.  It is easy for people to know they are unhappy, but it is hard to know what to change to.

Within teams – noting that every Carnegie example is a 1-on-1 interaction – individuals can have very different goals and interpretations of what should be done.  Two people may each want the other to make ill-defined changes creating gridlock to changing behavior.

Carnegie 30.4.9.1: Necessary to change attitudes or behavior

1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.

2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.

3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.

4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.

5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.

6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.