Carnegie 10.3.01: How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 3, Chapter 10 – You can’t win an Argument

Pages 143 – 150.

Carnegie teaches the reader in steps.  Here he is removing a negative tendency – if you disagree with someone, don’t wind up in an argument.  Later in other sections, he builds back up the positive things to do in order to change someone’s mind.  However, here in Chapter 10 he is simply working with the reader to make sure they avoid making a situation worse.

Best Quote

“As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”

Page by Page

143

“The raconteur mentioned that the quotation was from the Bible. He was wrong. I knew that. I knew it positively.”

144

Mr. Gammond, “Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face?”

145

“He is speechless then. There is no room for an argument.”

146

“As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”

147

“But as soon as his importance was admitted and the argument stopped and he was permitted to expand his ego, he became a sympathetic and kindly human being.”

148

Buddha said: “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,”

Lincoln returns – “No man who is resolved to make the most of himself,” said Lincoln, “can spare time for personal contention.”

149

Keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:

• Welcome the disagreement.

• Distrust your first response.

• Control your temper

• Listen first

• Look for areas to agree

• Be honest

• Promise to think through the other new points

• Thank them for interest

• Postpone action to think

150

PRINCIPLE 1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

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1 Response to Carnegie 10.3.01: How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 3, Chapter 10 – You can’t win an Argument

  1. Pingback: Carnegie 20.3.11: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas. | Fred Lybrand

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