Carnegie 24.4.3: How to Win Friends and Influence People – Talk About Your Own Mistakes First – PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

Carnegie 24.4.3: How to Win Friends and Influence People

Talk About Your Own Mistakes First – PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Pages 249 – 253.

Carnegie builds again off of earlier points – he has already said, “If you’re wrong admit it” and the principle of the previous chapter was “call attention to mistakes indirectly.”  This chapter really combines both of these – admit your own mistakes and then use them to indirectly call attention to the mistakes of others.

If ‘mistakes’ were a concept – this is the third clear time they are a topic in the book.

  • If the mistake was yours – admit it.
  • If the mistake was that of another person – don’t call it out directly.
  • Here again we combine these bullets – admit your mistakes as a bridge to calling out the mistakes of others.

As with the previous ‘compliment sandwich’ this method is no longer as pristine as it once was.  If we position ourselves as the only one with ‘experience’ having committed mistakes, we run the risk of alienating those around us and coming across as pompous.

Avoid this risk by being sincere and humble – if you’ve made mistakes it gives you the right to help others avoid them.

Best Quote(s)

“Admitting one’s own mistakes—even when one hasn’t corrected them—can help convince somebody to change his behavior.” Page 253

Page by Page

249

“You are twice as old as Josephine. You have had ten thousand times as much business experience. How can you possibly expect her to have your viewpoint, your judgment, your initiative—mediocre though they may be?”

Carnegie has been using his own failures as anecdotes throughout the book. Here he gives it as a formal rule.

“But don’t you think it would have been wiser if you had done so and so?”

250

“It’s one of the words I always have had trouble with.”

251

“You consider me a donkey,” he shouted, “capable of blunders you yourself could never have committed!”

252

“If a few sentences humbling oneself and praising the other party can turn a haughty, insulted Kaiser into a staunch friend, imagine what humility and praise can do for you and me in our daily contacts.”

253

“Admitting one’s own mistakes—even when one hasn’t corrected them—can help convince somebody to change his behavior.”

PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

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Carnegie 23.4.2: How to Win Friends and Influence People – How to Criticize—and Not Be Hated for It – PRINCIPLE 2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Pages 244 – 248

Carnegie has already covered mistakes very thoroughly earlier – “If you’re wrong, admit it.” Now he’s giving guidance on how to correct someone else’s mistakes – and he’s saying to be indirect.

Since 2015 the phrase ‘compliment sandwich‘ has caught on for people who follow Carnegie’s first two leadership methods:

  •  Begin with honest praise
  • Give indirect compliments

Indirect correction of mistakes is okay, if the other person is capable of grasping the indirectness.  What if they are not capable?  If they don’t grasp the technical foundation of their mistake, can they grasp the nature of their error?  What if language or cultural gaps are making the mistake worse?

Be indirect – but be prepared to be direct if needed. Carnegie is telling the reader to not be a jerk.  Don’t make them feel stupid.  But do be clear if need be.

Best Quote(s)

“Gentlemen,” he started, “you are leaders. You will be most effective when you lead by example.” Page 246

Page by Page

Page 244

“Quietly slipping behind the counter, he waited on the woman himself and then handed the purchase to the salespeople to be wrapped as he went on his way.”

Page 245

“This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and.””

Page 246

““Gentlemen,” he started, “you are leaders. You will be most effective when you lead by example.”

247

Lyman’s sermon is not good. How should his wife coach him?

“Lyman, that is terrible. That’ll never do. You’ll put people to sleep. It reads like an encyclopedia. You ought to know better than that after all the years you have been preaching. For heaven’s sake, why don’t you talk like a human being? Why don’t you act natural? You’ll disgrace yourself if you ever read that stuff.”

248

PRINCIPLE 2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

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Carnegie 22.4.1: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin.

Pages 237 – 242.

Section 4 really pivots towards use cases of all the earlier rules that have been covered, and we begin with Carnegie saying that leadership begins with praise and *sincere* appreciation.

Best Quote(s)

“Beginning with Praise is like the dentist who begins with Novocaine.” Page 242

Page by Page

237

“There are many occasions on which it would be precisely the right thing to say, but is it quite suitable to this particular occasion?”

238

Lincoln to Hooker, with whom he was upset and expected much. “There are some things in regard to which I am not quite satisfied with you.” Talk about tact! And diplomacy!

239

“Beware of rashness, but with energy and sleepless vigilance go forward and give us victories.”

240

[No best or relevant quote.  None!]

241

Brass is running late.

“It is one of the cleanest and neatest bronze factories I ever saw,” said Gaw.

242

“Beginning with Praise is like the dentist who begins with Novocaine.”

PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

image

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How to Replace a Baseboard Heating Cover in an Hour or Less

The number one hit for ‘replacing baseboard heating covers’ is a This Old House Episode that looks pretty daunting.  My son and I just knocked this out in less than an hour.  Here’s what we did:

  1. Measure
    1. We had 3 baseboard heeaters.
    2. 1 was 5 feet
    3. 1 was 10 feet = 2 * 5 feet.
    4. 1 was 12 feet = 2 * 6 feet.
  2. Order from Baseboarders.com.  Our order arrived in less than 2 days.
  3. Remove the ends – some were already done from measuring in Step 1.  Be safe!
  4. Vacuum, clean and de-dust.  Be safe!
  5. Install new covers.  End caps on first.  Connectors on last.
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Carnegie 21.3.12: How to Win Friends and Influence People -PRINCIPLE 12 Throw down a challenge.

Carnegie 21.3.12: How to Win Friends and Influence People -PRINCIPLE 12 Throw down a challenge.

Pages 228 – 231

Appeal to people’s nobler vision (as called out in Principle 10), and then enlist them in the challenge of achieving it.  This great goal is possible.  Can you get there first?  Can you get their faster than their competition?

  1. Appeal to society’s better self.
  2. Ensure that there are metrics and milestones so progress can be tracked.
  3. Then appeal society’s better self to hit the target first.

Best Quote(s)

“That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. … The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.”

Page by Page

Page 228

““He asked us how many heats we made, and we told him six. He chalked it down on the floor.”

229

“Let Charles Schwab say it in his own words: “The way to get things done,” says Schwab, “is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.” The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.”

Another mention of Roosevelt.

230

Carnegie tells of the persuasion of someone to take on the warren role at Sing Sing, a famous American prison. “Young fellow,” he said, “I don’t blame you for being scared. It’s a tough spot. It’ll take a big person to go up there and stay.”

“I have never found,” said Harvey S. Firestone, founder of the great Firestone Tire and Rubber Company, “that pay and pay alone would either bring together or hold good people. I think it was the game itself.”

231

“That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes footraces and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.”

From earlier – we are channeling their need to be important into a real outcome.

PRINCIPLE 12 Throw down a challenge.

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Carnegie 20.3.11: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.

Carnegie 20.3.11: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.

Pages 223 – 227

With Twitter, Instagram and Youtube – we live today in an age of showmanship and promotion.  Carnegie’s guidance from 100 years ago still rings true today.  His words speak to us, like a ghost from the past telling us our own future.

People like a show.  Invite them to one.  Use it to prove your point. You are competing with other shows, so win the one you put on.

Hap Klopp once told me, “You can invite people to a ballet or a rock show – and they’ll have a good time at either.  But you can’t invite them to one and give them the other.”  People like a show – but tell them what show you’re inviting them to.

Best Quote(s)

“This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.” Page 223

Page by Page

Page 223

“This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.”

224

“With that I threw a handful of pennies on the floor.”

225

“What I finally did was this. I wrote him a formal letter. I indicated in the letter that I fully understood how extremely busy he was all week, but it was important that I speak with him.”

226

“He argued and I argued. He told me I was wrong, and I tried to prove that I was right.”

Not following earlier rules leads to bad performance.  Carnegie has already told us that “You can’t win an argument.

227

PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.

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Global Water: How Big Was Barry?

GlobalFluids

In the 30 days since the first post regarding global fluids and volumes, several stories around the economic impact of liquids have emerged – but the dominant one right now in the US is around the impact of Hurricane Barry on the Mississippi river basin.

How big was Barry_ (1)In 2017 the Washington Post estimated that Hurricane Harvey deposited over 125 cubic kilometers of rainfall in the US on to four states (TX, LA, TN, KY) that receive a total of over 20,600 km^3 of rain per year (less than 1% of their annual rainfall total).  Based on the path of the hurricane and very rough estimates based on US government data – I estimate that Barry was twice the size, making it 250 km^3 of water.  In comparison – the annual discharge of the Mississippi is 151 km^3.  As always original data is available here in Google Sheets.

These metrics pail in comparison to the stocks of fresh water held frozen in the Antarctic and Greenland ice sheets – 26.5 and 2.8 million km^3 respectively.  Estimates about these volumes and rates of change continue to fill the news.

At the beginning of the month, the Philadelphia Energy Solutions (“PES”) refinery – with 300,000 barrels per day, was shut down after an explosion.  This came on the night of a heavy rainstorm, depositing 3″ of rain in the city – for a total of 180 million barrels, more than the 110 million produced at PES.  As part of that same storm, an inch of rain fell on Massachusetts – nearly 4.4 billion barrels.

Third party analysis of US Military spending showed that it consumed nearly 270,000 barrels per day of fuel, which would make it a larger user than most countries.

How big was Barry_

 

 

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