[If dealing with absurd situations like those outlined in this hysterical sketch is part of your work life – learn about how to deal with them better following Goldratt’s Major Concepts or by reading this Chapter by Chapter summary of The Goal.]
Cast:
CUSTOMER
- C1 (“Customer 1st speaker”) – The customer lead, Justine’s boss
- Justine – Design specialist at the customer
VENDOR
- V1 (“Vendor 1st speaker”) – The vendor lead, Walter and Anderson the Expert’s boss.
- Walter – Reports to V1, serves as Project Manager
- Anderson the Expert (“AE”)
Transcript:
C1 –
Our company has a new strategic initiative to increase market penetration, maximize brand loyalty and enhance intangible assets In pursuit of these objectives, we’ve started a new project which will require:
Seven Red Lines
I understand your company can help us in this matter?
V1 –
Of course, Walter here will be the project manager, Walter, we can do this, can’t we?
Walter –
Yes, of course. Anderson here is our expert in all matters related to drawing red lines. We brought him along today to share his professional opinion.
C1 –
Nice to meet you! Well, you know me. This is Justine, our company’s design specialist.
Justine –
Hallo
C1 –
We need you to draw seven red lines. [Pause.]
All of them strictly perpendicular; some with green ink and some with transparent. Can you do that?
Expert / Anderson (“EA”) –
No. I’m afraid we –
Walter –
Let’s not rush into any hasty answers, Anderson! The task and needs to be carried out.
At the end of the day, you are an expert.
EA –
The term “red line” implies the color of the line to be red. To draw a red line with green ink is –
well if it is not exactly impossible, then it is pretty close to being impossible.
Walter – 1:02 What does it even mean: “impossible”?
EA -1:04
I mean, it is quite possible that there are some people, say suffering from colour blindness,
for whom the colour of the lines doesn’t really make a difference. But I am quite sure that the target audience of your project does not consists solely of such people.
C1 – 1:15
So in principle this is possible.
EA – 1:19
I’ll simplify – A line as such can be drawn with absolutely any ink. But if you want to get a red line, you need to use red ink.
V1 – 1:28
What if we draw them with blue ink?
EA – 1:30
It still won’t work. If you use blue ink, you will get blue lines. And what exactly did you mean, when you talked about the transparent ink?
C1 – 1:40
How to better explain? I’m sure you know what “transparent” means?
EA – 1:44
Yes, I do.
C1 – 1:45
And what a “red line” means, I hope I don’t need to explain to you?
EA – 1:49
Of course not.
C1 – 1:50
Well… You need to draw red lines with transparent ink.
EA – 1:55
Could you describe what you imagine the end result would look like?
Walter – 1:58
C’mon, Anderson! What do we have here, kindergarten?
V1 – 2:01
Let’s not waste our time with these unproductive quarrels. The task has been set; the task is plain and clear. Now, if you have any specific questions, go ahead!
Walter – 2:11
You’re the expert here!
EA – 2:13
Alright, let’s leave aside the colour for the moment. You had something there also relating to perpendicularity?..
V1 – 2:20
Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular.
EA – 2:23
To what?
V1 – 2:26
Erm, to everything. Among themselves. I assumed you know what perpendicular lines are like!
Walter – 2:32
Of course he does. He’s an expert!
EA – 2:35
Two lines can be perpendicular. All seven can’t be simultaneously perpendicular to each other. I’ll show you.
[Steps to drawing board.]
This is a line, right?
2:48
[With hesitation.]
EA – 2:49
And another one. Is it perpendicular to the first line?
V1 – 2:55
Well… [With hesitation.]
EA – 2:57
Yes, it is perpendicular.
V1 – 2:59
Exactly!
EA – 3:00
Wait, wait, I’m not done. And a third one: is it perpendicular to the first line? Yes, it is! But it doesn’t cross the second line. They’re both parallel. Not perpendicular!
V1 – 3:16
I suppose so.
EA – 3:17
There it is. Two lines can be perpendicular —
V1 – 3:21
Can I have the pen? How about this?
EA – 3:48
This is a triangle. It’s definitely not perpendicular lines. And there are three, not seven.
V1 – 3:57
Why are they blue?
Walter – 3:58
Indeed. Wanted to ask that myself.
EA – 4:01
I have a blue pen with me. This was just a demonstration —
V1 – 4:04
That’s the problem, your lines are blue. Draw them with red ink!
EA – 4:07
It won’t solve the problem.
Walter – 4:09
How do you know before you’ve tried? Lets draw them with red ink and then let’s see.
EA – 4:12
I don’t have a red pen with me, — but I am completely certain that with red ink the result will still be the same.
Walter – 4:19
Didn’t you tell us earlier that you can only draw red lines with red ink? In fact, yes, I’ve written it down here! And now you want to draw them with a blue ink. Do you want to call these red lines?
[Chuckles to room.]
Justine – 4:29
I think I understand. You’re not talking about the colour now, right? You’re talking about that, what do you call it: per-per, dick-dick —
EA – 4:37
Perpendicularity, yes!
V1 – 4:38
That’s it, now you’ve confused everyone. So what exactly is stopping us from doing this?
EA – 4:44
Geometry.
C1 – 4:46
Just ignore it!
V1 – 4:47
We have a task. Seven red lines. It’s not twenty; it’s just seven.
Anderson, I understand; you’re a specialist of a narrow field, you don’t see the overall picture.
But surely it’s not a difficult task to draw some seven lines!
Walter – 5:01
Exactly. Suggest a solution! Any fool can criticize, no offence, but you’re an expert, you should know better!
EA – 5:10
OK. Let me draw you two perfectly perpendicular red lines, — and I will draw the rest with transparent ink. They’ll be invisible, but I’ll draw them.
V1 – 5:21
Would this suit us? Yes, this will suit us.
Justine – 5:26
Yes, but at least a couple with green ink. Oh, and I have another question, if I may. Can you draw one of the lines in the form of a kitten?
EA – 5:34
A what?
Justine – 5:35
In the form of a kitten. Market research tells our users like cute animals. It’d be really great if —
EA – 5:40
No-oh…
Justine – 5:42
Why?
EA – 5:42
Look, I can of course draw you a cat. I’m no artist, but I can give it a try. But it won’t be a line any more. It will be a cat. A line and a cat: those are two different things.
V1 – 5:51
A kitten. Not a cat, but a kitten. It’s little, cute, cuddly. Cats, on the other hand —
EA – 5:58
It doesn’t make a difference.
Walter – 5:59
Anderson, at least hear her out! She hasn’t even finished speaking, and you’re already saying “No!”
EA – 6:04
I got the idea, but it is impossible to draw a line in the form of a cat…ten.
Justine – 6:10
What about a bird?
V1 – 6:15
So, where did we stop? What are we doing?
Walter – 6:17
Seven red lines, two with red ink, two with green ink and the rest – with transparent.
Did I understand correctly? — — Yes.
V1 – 6:23
Excellent! In which case that’s everything, right?
Justine – 6:26
Oh, oh, I almost forgot, we also have a red balloon.
Do you know if you could inflate it?
EA – 6:34
What do I have to do with balloons?
Justine – 6:37
It’s red.
V1 – 6:38
Anderson, can you or can you not do this? A simple question.
EA – 6:42
As such, I can of course, but —
V1 – 6:43
Excellent. Organise a business trip, we’ll cover the expenses, — go over to their location, inflate the balloon. Well this was very productive, thank you all!
Justine – 7:08
Can I ask one more question, please? When you inflate the balloon, could you do it in the form of a kitten?
EA – 7:16
Of course I can! I can do anything, I can do absolutely anything. I’m an “expert”!
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