Carnegie 26.4.5: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person save face.- Let the Other Person Save Face.

Pages 257 – 259

Carnegie borrows directly from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” in Chapter 7, where Tzu says, “36 When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. Do not press a desperate foe too hard.”  Does that extra amount of emphasis really need to be used?  If your point is made sufficiently, do you improve your team’s performance by berating someone who has already admitted a mistake?

Carnegie is giving counsel on how to avoid creating enemies, and how to avoid creating scenarios where those watching your behavior would be disappointed in your actions.  Leadership is as much about creating positive scenarios (growth, challenge, development) as it is about avoiding negative ones (petty behaviors, resentment, distraction).  Don’t let personal behaviors create distraction.

Make your point and move on.  Avoid the perception of cruelty.

Best Quote(s)

“Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!” Page 257

Page by Page

257

“Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!”

258

“Effect? The people go away feeling a lot better about being fired.”

259

“I left that meeting with my head up in the air and with the determination that I would never let that boss of mine down again.”

PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person save face.