Pages 208 – 216
Carnegie here builds off of earlier points – those around us have needs, and we must recognize those needs. Sometimes, as with Principle 3, the need is for us to admit we are wrong. For us to know the need – we first must listen! Now that the need, idea or desire is known – we should recognize it explicitly.
Dwell on their needs. Focus on them. Doing so builds off the earlier Principle 6 – make them feel important in a sincere way.
“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.” Page 208
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“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.”
“It was a stupid blunder, and I want to apologize for it. It was so nice of you to take the time to write me.
SHE: I am sorry, Mr. Carnegie, that I wrote as I did. I lost my temper. I must apologize.
ME: No! No! You are not the one to apologize; I am.”
“SHE: You know, I really like very much the way you have accepted my criticism. You must be a very nice person. I should like to know you better.”
“Then if you are wise, you will put the letter in a drawer and lock the drawer.”
“That mollified her and she wrote me a note saying she was sorry she had written as she had.”
Carnegie’s note was written, but then left in the desk drawer.
“I know you would not want to inconvenience your guests for several days.”
Depends on knowledge.
“‘Oh, I had nothing to do with it. Babette decided to do it on her own, and this is the first time she has ever trimmed her nails for anyone.’”
“What a pity,” he would mourn. “What a pity! My poor fellow. Of course, you cannot sing. I will cancel the engagement at once. It will only cost you a couple of thousand dollars, but that is nothing in comparison to your reputation.”
PRINCIPLE 9 Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.