Carnegie 17.3.08: How to Win Friends and Influence People – Pt 3, PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.- A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You

Pages 202 – 208

To have a productive conversation, we must have cooperation from the other party.  To create cooperation, we must have trust and a mutual understanding – focus on what the other party wants.  If we can approach things from the other party’s point of view, which is Carnegie’s main point with this chapter, then we improve our performance.

Develop empathy.  Be an active listener.  Repeat back to the other party what you think they want.  These can feel like risky moves and may be counter intuitive in a complex negotiation, but it is crucial to have this mutual perspective.

Why bother building a shared vision with someone if you can’t confirm that your initial assumptions are right?  State your beliefs.  Repeat your assumptions about their beliefs to them – remove the uncertainty.

Best Quote(s)

Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg commented: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.” Page 203

Page by Page

202

“Goode, “…success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.””

203

“In his book Getting Through to People, Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg commented: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.””

204

Wild fires?

“I was merely unloading my feelings without thinking of their point of view.”

205

“They felt better and I felt better because I had handled the situation with consideration for their point of view.”

206

“Ask yourself: “Why should he or she want to do it?””

207

“If, as a result of reading this book, you get only one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person’s point of view, and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own—if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping-stones of your career.”

PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.