Carnegie 19.3.10: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 10 Appeal to the nobler motives.

Pages 217 – 222

Insults that start with, “You *just* want to…” are vicious.  In them, the aggressor calls out that the other person’s rationale is based on a personal weakness.  Carnegie identifies our inner desire to be part of something greater.

To know the nobler motive, we must know our counterpart.  Listen.  Then identify the common nobler motive and use that as the reason to move ahead.

Help the other person meet their nobler goal.

Best Quote(s)

“J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.”

Carnegie’s guidance here is simple – building off the previous Principle 8 – we should know both of their reasons for ‘doing a thing’ – and appeal to the nobler ones.

Page by Page

217

“J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.”

So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.

218

“They had concluded that the only honorable thing to do was to live up to their lease.”

219

“Rockefeller, “And you know it’s not good for youngsters to get too much publicity.””

220

“Something was wrong here—something was drastically wrong about the method of collection.”

221

Call back to earlier technique with Principle 8 – Try to Understand the Other Person’s Point of View.

“4. I let him talk, and I listened to him with all the interest and sympathy that he wanted—and had expected.”

222

“To put it differently and perhaps more clearly, people are honest and want to discharge their obligations.”