PART THREE How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Pages 143 – 150.
PRINCIPLE 1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
“As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.” Page 146
Pages 151 – 163.
PRINCIPLE 2 Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
An adult to young Ben Franklin on his difficult nature, “Ben, you are impossible. Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you. They have become so offensive that nobody cares for them. Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you are not around. You know so much that no man can tell you anything. Indeed, no man is going to try, for the effort would lead only to discomfort and hard work. So you are not likely ever to know any more than you do now, which is very little.” Page 157
Pages 164 – 171.
PRINCIPLE 3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
“There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.” Page 167
Pages 172 – 181.
PRINCIPLE 4 Begin in a friendly way.
“They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.” Page 175
Pages 182 – 189.
PRINCIPLE 5 Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
“Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree.” Page 183
“Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset.” Page 183
“The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “Yes” responses.” Page 183
Pages 190 – 195
PRINCIPLE 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
“I know I would have lost the contract if I hadn’t lost my voice, because I had the wrong idea about the whole proposition. I discovered, quite by accident, how richly it sometimes pays to let the other person do the talking.” Page 191
Pages 196 – 201
PRINCIPLE 7 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them.” Lao-tse
Pages 202 – 208
PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg commented: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.” Page 203
Pages 208 – 216
PRINCIPLE 9 Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.” Page 208
Pages 217 – 222
PRINCIPLE 10 Appeal to the nobler motives.
“J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.” Page 217
20.3.11: The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You Do It?
Pages 223 – 227
Hap Klopp once told me, “You can invite people to a ballet or a rock show – and they’ll have a good time at either. But you can’t invite them to one and give them the other.” People like a show – but tell them what show you’re inviting them to.
“This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.” Page 223
Pages 228 – 231
PRINCIPLE 12 Throw down a challenge.
“That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. … The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.” Page 231