How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 1, Ch 1 – PRINCIPLE 1 – “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.”

“If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive”

PRINCIPLE 1 Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

Criticizing does not work and often makes people perform worse. Avoid it. Stop doing the wrong thing in your personal interactions – it does not work.

Best Quote

Lincoln is first teed up as a repetition for use as persuasion. Carnegie also calls out his presence on the $5 bill.

“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” Abraham Lincoln

Page by Page

025

“Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one—one that would do nobody any harm.” Crowley the murderer.

026

The point of the story is this: “Two Gun” Crowley didn’t blame himself for anything.

027

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.”

“By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.”

“The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.”

028

You will find examples of the futility of criticism bristling on a thousand pages of history.

029

With tears in his eyes, Taft said: “I don’t see how I could have done any differently from what I have.”

030

“There you are; human nature in action, wrongdoers, blaming everybody but themselves.

“What was the secret of Lincoln’s success in dealing with people?”

031

“And from that time on, he almost never criticized anybody for anything.”

032

“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

033

Lincoln to Meade after not pressing the fight after Gettysburg – “If I had gone up there, I could have whipped him myself.”

“Your golden opportunity is gone, and I am distressed immeasurably because of it.”

034

The next time we are tempted to admonish somebody, let’s pull a five-dollar bill out of our pocket, look at Lincoln’s picture on the bill, and ask, “How would Lincoln handle this problem if he had it?”

035

“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”

036

“Dictated but not read.”

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Franklin – “I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “ … and speak all the good I know of everybody.”

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

“A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”

037

Hoover – ““To show you I’m sure that you’ll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow.”

038

Father Forgets – a sad story of parents angry who don’t show compassion to their kids.

039

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them.

040

PRINCIPLE 1 Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

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1 Response to How to Win Friends and Influence People: Part 1, Ch 1 – PRINCIPLE 1 – “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.”

  1. Pingback: How to Win Friends and Influence People: Carnegie’s 3 “In a Nutshell Fundamental Techniques in Handling People” | Fred Lybrand

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