Carnegie 20.3.11: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.

Posted on July 19, 2019 by flybrand1976

Carnegie 20.3.11: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.

Pages 223 – 227

With Twitter, Instagram and Youtube – we live today in an age of showmanship and promotion.  Carnegie’s guidance from 100 years ago still rings true today.  His words speak to us, like a ghost from the past telling us our own future.

People like a show.  Invite them to one.  Use it to prove your point. You are competing with other shows, so win the one you put on.

Hap Klopp once told me, “You can invite people to a ballet or a rock show – and they’ll have a good time at either.  But you can’t invite them to one and give them the other.”  People like a show – but tell them what show you’re inviting them to.

Best Quote(s)

“This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.” Page 223

Page by Page

Page 223

“This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.”

224

“With that I threw a handful of pennies on the floor.”

225

“What I finally did was this. I wrote him a formal letter. I indicated in the letter that I fully understood how extremely busy he was all week, but it was important that I speak with him.”

226

“He argued and I argued. He told me I was wrong, and I tried to prove that I was right.”

Not following earlier rules leads to bad performance.  Carnegie has already told us that “You can’t win an argument.”

227

PRINCIPLE 11 Dramatize your ideas.

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Global Water: How Big Was Barry?

Posted on July 18, 2019 by flybrand1976

GlobalFluids

In the 30 days since the first post regarding global fluids and volumes, several stories around the economic impact of liquids have emerged – but the dominant one right now in the US is around the impact of Hurricane Barry on the Mississippi river basin.

How big was Barry_ (1)In 2017 the Washington Post estimated that Hurricane Harvey deposited over 125 cubic kilometers of rainfall in the US on to four states (TX, LA, TN, KY) that receive a total of over 20,600 km^3 of rain per year (less than 1% of their annual rainfall total).  Based on the path of the hurricane and very rough estimates based on US government data – I estimate that Barry was twice the size, making it 250 km^3 of water.  In comparison – the annual discharge of the Mississippi is 151 km^3.  As always original data is available here in Google Sheets.

These metrics pail in comparison to the stocks of fresh water held frozen in the Antarctic and Greenland ice sheets – 26.5 and 2.8 million km^3 respectively.  Estimates about these volumes and rates of change continue to fill the news.

At the beginning of the month, the Philadelphia Energy Solutions (“PES”) refinery – with 300,000 barrels per day, was shut down after an explosion.  This came on the night of a heavy rainstorm, depositing 3″ of rain in the city – for a total of 180 million barrels, more than the 110 million produced at PES.  As part of that same storm, an inch of rain fell on Massachusetts – nearly 4.4 billion barrels.

Third party analysis of US Military spending showed that it consumed nearly 270,000 barrels per day of fuel, which would make it a larger user than most countries.

How big was Barry_

 

 

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Carnegie 19.3.10: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 10 Appeal to the nobler motives.

Posted on July 18, 2019 by flybrand1976

Carnegie 19.3.10: How to Win Friends and Influence People – PRINCIPLE 10 Appeal to the nobler motives.

Pages 217 – 222

Insults that start with, “You *just* want to…” are vicious.  In them, the aggressor calls out that the other person’s rationale is based on a personal weakness.  Carnegie identifies our inner desire to be part of something greater.

To know the nobler motive, we must know our counterpart.  Listen.  Then identify the common nobler motive and use that as the reason to move ahead.

Help the other person meet their nobler goal.

Best Quote(s)

“J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.”

Carnegie’s guidance here is simple – building off the previous Principle 8 – we should know both of their reasons for ‘doing a thing’ – and appeal to the nobler ones.

Page by Page

217

“J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.”

So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.

218

“They had concluded that the only honorable thing to do was to live up to their lease.”

219

“Rockefeller, “And you know it’s not good for youngsters to get too much publicity.””

220

“Something was wrong here—something was drastically wrong about the method of collection.”

221

Call back to earlier technique with Principle 8 – Try to Understand the Other Person’s Point of View.

“4. I let him talk, and I listened to him with all the interest and sympathy that he wanted—and had expected.”

222

“To put it differently and perhaps more clearly, people are honest and want to discharge their obligations.”

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Carnegie 18.3.09: How to Win Friends and Influence People -PRINCIPLE 9 Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires – What Everybody Wants

Posted on July 17, 2019 by flybrand1976

Pages 208 – 216

Carnegie here builds off of earlier points – those around us have needs, and we must recognize those needs.  Sometimes, as with Principle 3, the need is for us to admit we are wrong.  For us to know the need – we first must listen!  Now that the need, idea or desire is known – we should recognize it explicitly.

Dwell on their needs.  Focus on them.  Doing so builds off the earlier Principle 6 – make them feel important in a sincere way.

Best Quote(s)

“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.” Page 208

Page by Page

208

“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.”

209

“It was a stupid blunder, and I want to apologize for it. It was so nice of you to take the time to write me.

SHE: I am sorry, Mr. Carnegie, that I wrote as I did. I lost my temper. I must apologize.

ME: No! No! You are not the one to apologize; I am.”

210

“SHE: You know, I really like very much the way you have accepted my criticism. You must be a very nice person. I should like to know you better.”

211

“Then if you are wise, you will put the letter in a drawer and lock the drawer.”

212

“That mollified her and she wrote me a note saying she was sorry she had written as she had.”

Carnegie’s note was written, but then left in the desk drawer.

213

“I know you would not want to inconvenience your guests for several days.”

Depends on knowledge.

214

“‘Oh, I had nothing to do with it. Babette decided to do it on her own, and this is the first time she has ever trimmed her nails for anyone.’”

215

“What a pity,” he would mourn. “What a pity! My poor fellow. Of course, you cannot sing. I will cancel the engagement at once. It will only cost you a couple of thousand dollars, but that is nothing in comparison to your reputation.”

216

PRINCIPLE 9 Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

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Carnegie 17.3.08: How to Win Friends and Influence People – Pt 3, PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view – A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You

Posted on July 16, 2019 by flybrand1976

Carnegie 17.3.08: How to Win Friends and Influence People – Pt 3, PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.- A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You

Pages 202 – 208

To have a productive conversation, we must have cooperation from the other party.  To create cooperation, we must have trust and a mutual understanding – focus on what the other party wants.  If we can approach things from the other party’s point of view, which is Carnegie’s main point with this chapter, then we improve our performance.

Develop empathy.  Be an active listener.  Repeat back to the other party what you think they want.  These can feel like risky moves and may be counter intuitive in a complex negotiation, but it is crucial to have this mutual perspective.

Why bother building a shared vision with someone if you can’t confirm that your initial assumptions are right?  State your beliefs.  Repeat your assumptions about their beliefs to them – remove the uncertainty.

Best Quote(s)

Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg commented: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.” Page 203

Page by Page

202

“Goode, “…success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.””

203

“In his book Getting Through to People, Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg commented: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.””

204

Wild fires?

“I was merely unloading my feelings without thinking of their point of view.”

205

“They felt better and I felt better because I had handled the situation with consideration for their point of view.”

206

“Ask yourself: “Why should he or she want to do it?””

207

“If, as a result of reading this book, you get only one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of the other person’s point of view, and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own—if you get only that one thing from this book, it may easily prove to be one of the stepping-stones of your career.”

PRINCIPLE 8 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

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Carnegie 16.3.07: PRINCIPLE 7 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers – How to Get Cooperation

Posted on July 15, 2019 by flybrand1976

Pages 196 – 201.

If you’re working with a customer or business partner, it is always helpful if they personally support the new idea you’re pursuing.  If they are the initiator of the idea, if the idea is truly theirs – then this support is implicit.

Carnegie’s writings focus on 1-on-1 interactions.  There is a proper product to sell or a direct interaction leading to a result.  In a modern consensus based format, building a team vision is a big part of being an effective leader.  Teams support an idea if the process by which it was created was valid and if they had a voice.

Carnegie’s focus here – and it feels dated – is that the other person will advocate more for an idea if they come to it on their own.  The insinuation is that they are led to the idea, rather than really asked in a participatory fashion.

Best Quote(s)

“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them.” Lao-tse

Page by Page

196

“Isn’t it wiser to make suggestions—and let the other person think out the conclusion?”

“The people had made a sort of moral bargain with me,” said Mr. Seltz, “and as long as I lived up to my part in it, they were determined to live up to theirs. Consulting them about their wishes and desires was just the shot in the arm they needed.”

“We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.”

197

“Won’t you please tell me how we could finish them up in such a way that you could use them?”

198

Carnegie tells a story about a man from Oklahoma (my home state) who is scheduling some trips and trying to create a plan that accommodates his family’s diverse desires.  He does so by letting them talk.

199

“The more I studied it, the more I discovered for myself how much I liked it.” – here the purchasing agent for a hospital is struggling with which  X ray equipment to buy.  He is assisted by the open process that one of the seller’s runs, allowing him to peruse the equipment ahead of time.

“Did House interrupt him and say, “That’s not your idea. That’s mine”?”

200

“I was bewildered. I didn’t know which to choose.”

201

“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them.” Lao-tse

PRINCIPLE 7 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

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Carnegie 15.3.06: PRINCIPLE 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking – The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints

Posted on July 14, 2019 by flybrand1976

Pages 190 – 195.

Carnegie builds off Principle 5 – once the other party is saying “yes” – encourage them to talk.  Use your conversational skills to keep them going, and rather than lecture them about some topic important to you – keep them talking about what matters to them.

I wouldn’t dream of correcting Carnegie’s advice – but this technique builds on the assumption that both you and the other person have a shared goal or topic.  In Carnegie’s examples the sales people are advancing the cause of a transaction or scenario already known to both parties.  Interestingly, Goldratt states clearly that in a scenario where you want people to do something new – then the onus is on you to introduce and frame the topic.

Carnegie’s guidance here under Principle 6 works best when there is already a shared vision of the future between the people in the conversation.  Here, let them talk.  Many times people don’t give themselves time to think until the meeting happens.  This time, talking out loud, bouncing ideas off of you – can often be their first formal thinking time on the subject.  Help them think through it by keeping the ball in their court.

Best Quote(s)

“I know I would have lost the contract if I hadn’t lost my voice, because I had the wrong idea about the whole proposition. I discovered, quite by accident, how richly it sometimes pays to let the other person do the talking.”

Page by Page

190

“Encourage them to express their ideas fully.”

191

“I know I would have lost the contract if I hadn’t lost my voice, because I had the wrong idea about the whole proposition. I discovered, quite by accident, how richly it sometimes pays to let the other person do the talking.”

192

“He showed an interest in the other person and his problems. He encouraged the other person to do most of the talking—and made a favorable impression.”

193

““As he talked about these advantages to me, he talked himself out of each negative thought he had when he came in for the interview.”

194

La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”

195

“Now, when we have some time to chat, I ask them to share their joys with me, and I only mention my achievements when they ask.”

PRINCIPLE 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

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Carnegie 14.3.05: PRINCIPLE 5 Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately – The Secret of Socrates

Posted on July 13, 2019 by flybrand1976

Pages 182 – 189.

From a book chapter standpoint, Principle 5 flows logically after Principle 4.  We’re taught to begin in a friendly way, and now that guidance is further tightened.  Don’t just begin friendly – begin with a goal of getting some form of verbal agreement, even if it is unrelated to the end goal.  With one agreement, more will follow.

Best Quote(s)

“Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree.”

“Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset.”

“The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “Yes” responses.”

Page by Page

183

Page 183 had three great and very clear quotes about how to create agreement.

“Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree.”

“Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset.”

“The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “Yes” responses.”

184

“‘However,’ I said, ‘suppose you have money in this bank at your death.”

185

“I found that by getting him to say ‘yes, yes’ from the outset, he forgot the issue at stake and was happy to do all the things I suggested.”

186

“‘ Well,’ I suggested, ‘wouldn’t it be a good idea to keep your hands off those motors?’”

187

“It took me years and cost me countless thousands of dollars in lost business before I finally learned that it doesn’t pay to argue, that it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other person’s viewpoint and try to get that person saying ‘yes, yes.’”

188

“The Chinese have a proverb pregnant with the age-old wisdom of the Orient: “He who treads softly goes far.””

Carnegie uses quotes wherever he can to persuade.

189

PRINCIPLE 5 Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

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Carnegie 13.3.04: PRINCIPLE 4 Begin in a friendly way – A Drop of Honey

Posted on July 12, 2019 by flybrand1976

Pages 172 – 181.

It’s easy to imagine a brash reader having finished the previous chapter and covered “Principle 3: Admit it if you are wrong” setting forth in a blaze of glory.  While thinking to themselves, “They’ll just admit they are wrong, all I have to do is point it out!” the brazen hero sets out to point out everyone else’s faults all day long.  “I’m a great leader, enabling them to simply admit their mistakes…”

This would leave behind a trail of ill will and hesitance.  Carnegie lays it out clearly – figure out how to get your point across in a friendly way.  Further, if you’re persuading and guiding a group decision – then figure out how to get your point across in a positive way that creates the greatest amount of support.

Best Quote

“They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.”

Page by Page

173

“If your temper is aroused and you tell ’em a thing or two, you will have a fine time unloading your feelings. But what about the other person? Will he share your pleasure? Will your belligerent tones, your hostile attitude, make it easy for him to agree with you?”

174

“This is a red-letter day in my life,” Rockefeller began.

175

“They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.”

176

“Daniel Webster, who looked like a god and talked like Jehovah, was one of the most successful advocates who ever pleaded a case; yet he ushered in his most powerful arguments with such friendly remarks as: “It will be for the jury to consider,” “This may, perhaps, be worth thinking of,” “Here are some facts that I trust you will not lose sight of,” or “You, with your knowledge of human nature, will easily see the significance of these facts.”

177

“But I said to myself, ‘I am studying a course in how to deal with people, so I’ll try it on him—and see how it works.’”

178

Photographer of a group of public utility workers…

But this is a unique situation. …” And Dean Woodcock went on to explain how this was the first job of this type for his department and how everybody from executives down was interested.”

179

Flood damaged house –

“During the twenty-five-mile trip to his office, I carefully reviewed the situation and, remembering the principles I learned in this course, I decided that showing my anger would not serve any worthwhile purpose.”

180

“The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force.”

181

“Remember what Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.””

PRINCIPLE 4 Begin in a friendly way.

 

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Carnegie 12.3.03: PRINCIPLE 3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.- “If You’re Wrong, Admit It”

Posted on July 11, 2019 by flybrand1976

(Carnegie Video Short: If You’re Wrong, Admit It)

Pages 164 – 171.

Mistakes are often a constraint in developing a mutual understanding.  If two people think they are working towards a common goal and one person blocks that process by mistakes – then it is important to find a tactful way to create alignment.  If you’ve made a mistake, and it is important to progress that everyone understand it was a mistake – and importantly understand how / why the mistake was made – then admit it.

Best Quote

“There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.” Page 167

Page by Page

164

“Officer, you’ve caught me red-handed. I’m guilty. I have no alibis, no excuses. You warned me last week that if I brought the dog out here again without a muzzle you would fine me.”

165

“But instead of breaking lances with him, I admitted that he was absolutely right and I was absolutely wrong; I admitted it quickly, openly, and with enthusiasm.”

166

Art seller story – “So I said: ‘Mr. So-and-so, if what you say is true, I am at fault and there is absolutely no excuse for my blunder. I have been doing drawings for you long enough to know better. I’m ashamed of myself.’ “Immediately he started to defend me. ‘Yes, you’re right, but after all, this isn’t a serious mistake. It is only—’”

167

“There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.”

168

“Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes—and most fools do—but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.”

169

“But Lee was far too noble to blame others.”

From a persuasion standpoint Carnegie’s inclusion of Robert E. Lee is interesting and likely wouldn’t be made today.  Lee’s surrender made possible Grant’s attempts to rebuild the South and halted what could have been devastating long term resistance, but today that perspective pails in comparison to his defense of slavery through his military efforts, regardless of what his individual outlook may have been.

170

Lee on Pickett’s charge, ““All this has been my fault,” he confessed. “I and I alone have lost this battle.””

“I have pondered this problem,” he said. “Dale Carnegie says, ‘If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.’ It is too late for me to admit it quickly, but I can admit it emphatically. I wronged my son. He was right in not wanting to see me and to expel me from his life. I may lose face by asking a younger person’s forgiveness, but I was at fault and it is my responsibility to admit this.” The

171

“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

PRINCIPLE 3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

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